Abakundana bagira umuco wo gufuha. Hari abavuga ko ari mwiza kuko ugaragaza urukundo nyakuri no kwifuza kwiharira umukunzi wawe, abandi bakavuga ko ari mubi kuko ugaragaza ukutizerana hagati y’abakundana. Ni ryari gufuha bishobora kuba byiza cyangwa bibi? Iyi nkuru igamije kugufasha kumenya ko gufuha birengeje urugero bitari byiza.
Abize imbonezabitekerezo bamwe bita philosophy, bavuga ko gufuha birenze urugero ari uburwayi. Abahanga mu bijyanye n’imitekerereze bazwi nka psychologists bavuga ko gufuha kenshi bizanwa no kwikunda k’umuntu, aho usanga ikintu cyose ukunda uba wifuza kukiharira wenyine, byagera ku muntu bikitwa gufuha.
Nubwo abenshi bumva ko gufuha ari byiza mu rukundo kandi ko ari imbaraga z’urukundo, iyo bijemo kugira ishyari no gufuha cyane ntiruba rukiri urukundo rwa nyarwo. Urukundo rwa nyarwo rutanga ubwisanzure n’ubwigenge kuri buri umwe ururimo.
Gusa abenshi usanga bafuha kubera gutinya gutakaza uwo bakunda babitewe n’ibikorwa abakorera, muri make bagatinya gutakaza ibyo abakunzi babo babaha kugira ngo batabiha abandi.
Usanga abantu benshi urukundo rwarabagize nk’abari muri gereza, batemerewe kuvugana n’abandi, ukagira ngo ni urukundo kandi rutari rwo. Abo bantu usanga basa na ba maneko, bakabuza bakunzi babo kuvugisha abandi, umugabo atemerewe kuvugisha undi mugore, umugore na we atemerewe kuvugisha undi mugabo no mu bintu bisanzwe.
Abahanga bavuga ko umuntu ukabya mu gufuha aba afata umukunzi nk’igikoresho cye, kuko igikoresho ari cyo umuntu akoresha ubwe ku giti cye, cyane ko aba akibitse mu nzu ye, kimubaruyeho kandi agifatira imyanzuro.
Hari aho abantu bafuha cyane hakavamo urupfu, kubera kuvuga ngo aho kugira ngo nkubure bakuntware twese twaguhomba. Mu Rwanda n’ahandi haba ibirego by’abantu bishe abakunzi babo kubera kubafuhira.
Iyo ukunda umuntu bya nyabyo, uhorana icyizere ko igihe cyose ari wowe akunda, ukizera ko ntaho yajya kandi ntute umwanya ubitekerezaho. Umuntu ufuha cyane usanga akenshi ahatiriza mugenzi we kuko aba yifuza kumugumana kubera icyo amukurikiyeho, ariko urukundo nyakuri ntiruhatirizwa.
Abahatiriza batakaza imbaraga nyinshi, niba uhatiriza va muri urwo rukundo bitazakwicira ubuzima bwawe bw’urukundo, kuzabona undi ukunda bikakugora.
Niba uwo mukundana ari we utuma ugira impamvu zo gufuha, uwo uzamureke kuko agukunda urukundo nyakuri ntiyatuma ubona impamvu yo gufuha. Akenshi iyo ibyo umwitezeho abikorera abandi kukurusha, aho gukomeza guhatiriza waruvamo. Nushaka kurugura ruzaguhenda kandi utagira icyo ukuramo.
Urukundo nyakuri rutuma buri wese yumva akunzwe kandi yitaweho, agakomereza ubuzima bwe nk’aho nta kidasanzwe cyabaye kuko aba yaramaze kugufata nk’igice cy’ubuzima bwe. Abaho nta bwoba afite iyo mutari kumwe, nta kwibaza ngo uri kumwe nande.
Gufuha bishobora kuvamo uburwayi kuko bituma uhora udatuje, ucungacunga umukunzi wawe ngo urebe niba ataguca inyuma, niba adahugiye kuri terefone avugana n’abandi, ku buryo byavamo no kumuhohotera umufata nk’imfungwa.
Abahanga bavuga ko nubwo gufuha ari ibintu bisanzwe, iyo bigeze aho kubuza umukunzi wawe amahoro biba bibi. Byica umuryango, ufuhirwa akabaho adatuje. Hari ubwo ufuha ata umutwe, akajya arota yibwira ko mugenzi we amuca inyuma. Akenshi uyu muntu nta kizere aba yigirira no mu buzima busanzwe.
Akensi aba bantu barema ishusho mu mutwe, ku buryo ibyo abonye byose babihuza na yo. Iyi ni ingeso ikura kandi ikaba yagera ubwo iba ubumuga ku muntu uyifite.
Gufuha ni byiza ariko ntibigomba kurenza urugero ngo bigere aho kubuzanya amahoro. Muge muganira ku bituma ufuha no ku bantu batuma umufuhira, urugero nk’abo bahoze bakundana, abo bakururana cyane kandi umuhe ubwisanzure, avugane n’abo ashaka, afate imyanzuro ashaka. Naba atagukunda uzabyibonera ufate umwanzuro wo kubivamo.
Iyo umuntu yamenye ko umufuhira bikabije, hari ibyo atakubwira cyangwa akabikubwira byararangiye kugira ngo udafuha. Kubera kugukunda no kwifuza kutagutakaza, bituma akubeshya kugira ngo amahoro ahinde.
Iyo ufuhira umuntu cyane yishyiramo ibitekerezo bibi by’uko ashobora kuba agaragara nk’indaya, umuntu wo kutizerwa, umuntu mwiza cyane wifuzwa na bose n’ibindi. Yumva ko ibyo akora utabiha agaciro, agacika intege mu rukundo.
Akenshi nawe umufuhira agutekerezaho nabi, akavuga ko impamvu umufuhira cyane ari uko uba wikeka, ukibwira ko ibyo ukora mutari kumwe ari byo na we akora. Ukwiriye kwitwararika, yabona ko umufuhira ukamwereka ko ari urukundo atari ukumwinjirira mu buzima no kumugenzura.
Abahanga bavuga ko umuntu ufite ibikomere byinshi atarama mu rukundo rushya. Niba hari uwo mwifuza kubana, uzabanze urebe ko agufuhira ariko akaguha amahoro n’ubwisanzure kandi akibuka ko isi yawe itagarukira kuri we gusa, dore ko ubuzima bwose butaba mu rukundo.
Bibiliya itubwira ko urukundo rubabarira byose. Mu gihe habayeho guteshuka, ukagira umugisha ugasabwa imbabazi ujye uzitanga. 1 Abakorinto 13: 5-7 "Urukundo rurihangana rukagira neza, urukundo ntirugira ishyari, urukundo ntirwirarira, ntirwihimbaza,
Ntirukora ibiteye isoni, ntirushaka ibyarwo, ntiruhutiraho, ntirutekereza ikibi ku bantu, ntirwishimira gukiranirwa kw’abandi ahubwo rwishimira ukuri, rubabarira byose, rwizera byose, rwiringira byose, rwihanganira byose".
